Today while driving, I suddenly was haunted by the thought of death…and for the first time in my life it didn’t creep me out! Actually I found myself in ease with it, accepting it, with no regrets: I can die right here right now!
Honestly I used to have a bad relationship with the idea of Death but with time I learned to manage it. And by managing I only mean eliminating the fear…However I still had the conviction that it’d be cooler if I had the chance to live more coz I just didn’t fulfill my dharma yet! (Which is something I know a little about) but anyway that was my reason and maybe it was nothing more than a pretext…
Today I didn’t reject the idea of death or felt like it’d be better to postpone it. Today I thought “well it’s ok to die now”. I simply knew I’ll be in a better place!! (guess what? I never used to like this specific statement which we always repeat to console others on death occasions, since I wasn’t able to perceive it and believe in it)
What is more ambiguous is that I know I was not an angel and I did what I consider as bad stuff, yet that didn’t stop me from fully embracing death… The thought of meeting God, the creator, the one who took care of me during all this time, who gave me things, who felt my pain and helped me move forward during hard times, the one who created this universe for me, the sun, the moon, the sky, the trees.. the one who offered me everything I had, I have and will ever have.
The question is: How come I was afraid of such an idea? How come I’ve been rejecting it?
I realized this: Only with death, I will belong. Death will provide me with all what I’ve been hungry for: Peace. In this place where we’re supposed to go after dying, I will be on top of everything. I will be detached from everything yet happy and serene. I will be free of my egoistic self. I will be me, the real me, with no masks, and no efforts to become someone else for the sake of others. Death will give my soul what it has been longing for since day one on Earth. And looking forward to it makes complete sense. Not by committing suicide of course! I’m not talking here about conscience, values, dos and don’ts..I’m just reflecting about the only TRUE and REAL thing in our existence.
And just like a bride who gets ready for the most important day of her life, we shall get ready to welcome Death too. Yes! It’s another phase in our lives that we shall prepare ourselves for. And just like the pre-wedding phase, we will experience moments of sadness, happiness, fear, serenity,frustration, satisfaction, losses, and gains… But on the d-day we will realize how much it was worth getting ready for it 🙂